THE REAL WORLD with Sarah Holmes
In this regular column, DEFY's own Sarah Holmes shows us that there are lessons to be learned all around us if we can just look up and take notice.
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Mentorship goes beyond what we say to others. It’s about what we say to ourselves.
In my late teens and early 20s I worked at summer camp. I started with the littles and then later realized that I adored working with the older kids, helping them move into leadership roles themselves.
I’ve always struggled with body image. I think a lot of us have. I dreaded having to put on a swimsuit and walk along the docks at camp. I would wrap myself in a towel and then at the very last minute, peel it off and jump in the water. I didn’t want to feel vulnerable. Especially at work, where I had to show up confident in my role as a leader.
In situations where I felt stuck, I would (and still sometimes do) resort to mocking myself and turning everything into a joke. If I say the things I’m worried about aloud, then no one else can, right? Even just poking at my tummy as if I had to acknowledge that it was there. I did it alone. I did it in front of friends. I did it in front of my campers.
My last summer working at camp, I was chosen to work with the counsellors-in-training. This is when everything changed.
I was so nervous leading up to it. I was excited to step into this mentorship role but wanted to make sure I did well. I wanted to inspire them and help them feel comfortable and safe at such a difficult time in their lives. I hadn’t worked with teenagers before and was definitely nervous that they would…eat me alive?
But when I walked into the cabin, all of my fears disappeared.
They were so incredible. So smart, caring, fun, and up for anything. They put their hearts and souls into everything they did. Sports, games, leadership. They tried so hard and were so vulnerable. The more I got to know them, the more I saw my younger self in them. Excited and ready for what life had to offer.
But the under current of body image struggles prevailed. I would hear comments about the food we were eating at dinner and see the towels fall to the ground as they quickly jumped into the lake. But this time I wasn’t triggered. All of a sudden, I couldn’t care less about what my body looked like. It was a heartbreaking wake up call and all I could think is that this cycle has to stop.
We can’t change the media overnight. We can’t change the patriarchal oppression and systemic perpetuation of obsession over women’s bodies. But we can stop making it a part of everything we do. Especially at work. Especially when we know that we are in leadership positions.
Of course it takes time. We have to constantly catch ourselves.
But one of the things that I have learned from my mentor over the last few years is that you don’t have to pretend that you are feeling amazing in your skin. What matters is that you acknowledge how you feel, remind yourself that you love yourself, and commit to being kind to your body and grateful for all that she does for you.
If you start to incorporate these small practices, I promise that even on the hard days, you will continue to inspire those around you and in turn create a positive atmosphere that allows you to show up with confidence every single day.
Though conversations around body image still do arise, even in the workplace, this quote by Rupi Kaur always reminds me that there is so much more to us then our tummies:
“I want to apologize to all the women I have called beautiful
before I’ve called them intelligent or brave
I am sorry I made it sound as though
something as simple as what you’re born with
is all you have to be proud of
when you have broken mountains with your wit
from now on I will say things like
you are resilient, or you are extraordinary
not because I don’t think you’re beautiful
but because I need you to know
you are more than that”
Sarah Holmes
With a background in history focusing on women and the criminal justice system, Sarah Holmes is passionate about creating and fostering conversations around intersectional feminism. Her goal is to integrate these conversations into daily life so that people feel empowered to draw from them both at home and in the workplace.