EDITOR'S LETTER - ISSUE 3
Bring your full self with you (everywhere)
BY JULIE LAWRENCE
"Hey Julie, uh, can you give me a drive home?"
This guy asked me as I was leaving a meeting, and although I didn’t really know know him, I’d seen him around the rooms a few times. We had exchanged a laugh here and there and I knew a bit of his story, so I said yes.
He followed me at a bit of a distance, like a lost dog, and as we crossed the parking lot, it hit me like a bullet to the gut: this is a bad idea; I don’t even know this guy and I don’t want to be alone in a car with him.
But just as quickly as the thought came, it was replaced with another: you already said yes, it would be rude to change your mind. Plus, who are you to judge this guy?
As soon as I pulled away from the curb, it become clear that he was messed up on something. I deciphered from his rambling that his home was by the mall, so I headed in that direction while he told me to turn left and right at streets he called by the wrong name. When I grew frustrated and confused, he got angry and yelled “don’t you know how to follow fucking directions?”
It got scary fast and I was completely shook.
I pride myself these days on living a very low risk lifestyle. Hell, I’ve worked very hard for the privilege to live my boring life. I don’t drink, don’t do drugs, don’t date, don’t go out much at night. I don’t do any of the things that people warn you about, and yet still, here I was, feeling terrified because of a man.
Was his behaviour disgusting? Yes. Was it my fault he was such a jerk? Certainly not. But I blame myself for ignoring that one, all important thing. That thing that I too often allow to take a back seat. My intuition. That internal alarm system that literally never lets me down, yet never gets the god damn respect it deserves.
It got me thinking a lot about the notion of women’s intuition; that special bit of magic that we all possess that is so intangible that I actually can’t define it: it just is. Admittedly, that explanation is, uh, lacking, so I found this one: our brain’s ability to use internal and external cues to instantaneously evaluate the situation and make a decision based on gut-instincts.
Science suggests that intuition is a product of evolution; those of us that developed a strong ability to understand and predict the needs of our offspring and mates thrived over women with inferior senses. If we’re legit wired with this gift, then why do we spend so much time ignoring it, especially at work?
"My intuition. The internal alarms that never lets me down, yet never gets the god damn respect it deserves."
For me, I feel like intuition is not something that I could bring into the workplace because it’s not necessarily logical. Plus, I really believed that in order to succeed in a man’s world, I had to think and behave like one. I adapted to their customs, valued the same things, considered their pros and cons in my decision-making and, ultimately, sold my soul to the highest bidder.
The problem with acting like a man in the workplace is that men suck at all kinds of things that women thrive at. Empathy, for example. Or reading the room. The University of Cambridge conducted an experiment by showing people pictures of eyes.The subjects were then asked to conclude the person’s mood based on the appearance of the eyes in the photo.
Unsurprisingly, the women dominated.
Women have so many unique superpowers that make us incredible leaders, but we can only access them when we bring our full selves to work. And that includes our intuition. It allows us to make quick decisions and to behave in a way that aligns with our personal values. Trying to behave like the men at work is a betrayal of ourselves and each other and is a huge barrier to progress.
Besides, let’s be real: men’s best thinking got us here. We need women’s intuition, emotional IQ, sensitivity, and leadership-styles to move us into the future.
Even the CIA knows that women make better spies.
But you don’t have to take my humble word for it. In this issue, Jen Lawrence, Certified Career and Business Coach, explains that our body keeps the score as we navigate how patriarchal trauma impacts us at work. Dr. Lisa Petty encourages us to ditch logic, embrace our wildish side, and let our bodies be our guide as we become the fullest expression of ourselves. And our cover girl Sonia Jhas shows us how to use our intuition to develop our core values and get on the path to health and happiness.
Let’s celebrate International Women’s Day this year by honouring our whole complicated, weird, brilliant, multi-faceted selves.
As always, if you love what you read in these pages, please consider donating to DEFY. We love making this magazine and really want to keep it free so that it can be accessible to as many women as possible.
With much love, respect, and gratitude,
Julie
Editor-in-chief
julie@defymag.ca
@editorjulesl