CONFIDENCE CORNER with Karen Laos
Many women miss opportunities because they don’t speak up. I’m on a mission to change that! Here you’ll find practical strategies to ensure you do everything in your power to be seen and heard, have a read below.
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How Women Give Away Their Power (and how to take it back!)
We all have blind spots. You might not even realize that you’re giving your power away. So this month and next we’re highlighting the most common ways we do this as women, and above all else, how to take your power back!
We give too much detail.
Here’s how to take your power back: Get to the point quickly and eliminate unnecessary detail.We tend to ramble when we speak when we need to be focused and direct.
For example, I was coaching a woman at a large biotech in the Bay Area who wanted to change roles within the company. We did a mock interview and I started with the typical question, “tell me about yourself.” She proceeded to tell me about herself in great detail. It was a data dump of information which I could have read from her resume.
I stopped her and asked, “What is the most important thing about you that you want me, as the hiring manager, to know? What sets you apart? Start with that immediately. That is the lead of your story.”
We started the interview over and this time she responded with, “Before I go into detail, the most important thing for you to know about me is that I love research.”
Boom. There it is. All of the other details can now come after that, and it makes sense because it now has context. We have our anchor to the entire message in that lead and it is so much clearer to the listener this way.
We use minimizing language.
Here’s how to take your power back: Eliminate words like “just,” “little” and “I’m sorry.”
For example, notice the difference between “I just want to share a little tip with you” versus “I want to share a tip with you.” Removing minimizing language strengthens the intent without changing the meaning.
As women, we over apologize. “I’m sorry, could I interrupt?” or “I’m sorry, can I ask you a question?” Train yourself to say, “excuse me” instead. Imagine that you bump into someone at the grocery store. That would be a perfect time to say “excuse me.” There’s no need to apologize – only do that when you’ve legitimately wronged someone. Now let’s say you’re late for a meeting. Say “Thank you for understanding,” or “Thanks for your patience.”
Another time that you could use this tip is when sending a ‘late’ response to an email. First of all, it’s legit okay to respond within a day, but so many people think they have to apologize when it’s taken them a few hours to respond. We need to rid ourselves of this habit! We don’t have to be immediately available to people.
We let other people define us.
Here’s how to take your power back: Take ownership of who you are and be clear about that to others.
Here’s an example. I was facilitating a training program and one woman asked a fellow participant (let’s call her Christy) how she spelled her name: “Is it Christy with a K or Christy with a C?”
Do you know what Christy said? “Doesn’t matter. Whatever you prefer.”
I twirled around to face her and said, “What?! No, you need to take ownership of who you are. That’s part of standing in your identity. That’s your name. That’s clarity. Plus, you’re making it confusing for the other party. Because if they don’t know what to call you or how you prefer to be addressed, it’s confusing, and that can erode trust. They might wonder, ‘which one is it?’ and not want to use your name at all for fear of saying it incorrectly. Be clear and defined about who you are.”
Did any of these resonate with you? Pick one that most stood out and in the next week start noticing your own habits. The good news is that they can shift! Be intentional and practice at least one of these suggestions to help you come into the most powerful version of yourself!
Karen Laos
Karen Laos is a former corporate leader turned professional speaker specializing in communication. She is fiercely committed to equipping women in business to speak with clarity and stand out with unshakable confidence. Over her 20+ year career, she has gained rave reviews from NASA, Facebook, Google, Netflix, and United Healthcare.